Aloha and happy upcumming amateur drinking day! Yes, its that time of year when every Tom, Dick, and Sean falls off the bar stool with his silly green hat insisting that he’s True IRISH (Real Irish?) because he does something we do every other day of the year. Not that I’m bitter about all these potato suckers messing up my bar time. This year, we’ve convinced Mouthy Bitch, the elusive Grand Mistress of Juneau H3 to host a “trail” for us at the capitol. The plan is to mount up Thursday and drive mach louie out to her private island before driving back to Los Anchorage on Sunday (Alaska Air 64; 67). All are welcome to join! Green optional. Orange encouraged.
WHO: Mouthy Bitch
WHAT: B2 111 – Invading Juneau
WHEN: Thursday 16 March – Sunday 19 March
WHERE: ANC, JNU – Parts unknown at times unknown. It’ll be a surprise. You’ll like it.
WHY: Because JH3 never ever hashes?
It turns out that BNB and Just Angelina are either getting married or getting bent Friday night in Anchorage probably aren’t going to make trail Given the last minute nature of their impending nuptials, and the logistical difficulties of driving to Juneau, I suspect that many Anchorage hashers will be celebrating in town. (Sekrit) Details here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1056406734464730/
Congratulations and have fun in Bethel – Rojo Hammer Toe (004)!
Strategic puking will feed the ducks for weeks – Struggle Snuggle (005)!
This is why we can’t have nice things PULL ME PULL ME! CHARIOT PRINCESS – Ho White and the Seven Dwarfs (006)!
Patches are going to happen!
The race-ist bastards who won the hash then went and ran a half marathon to find double freedom? You should drink more beer so the rest of us don’t feel so old.
Oh holy shit really? It’s time for feets of winter stupidity already? It’s Nut Wrangler and Unholy Nipples hashy birthday so that must mean its time for us to strap knives to our feet in order to drink copious amounts of malt liquor. What’s that you say? Why would I do that you say? For GLORY! Thus far there are only 3 hashers who have been so gloriously half-minded to complete the 4×40.
Just in case you aren’t clear on what’s happening, and because I like the sound of my own voice:
WHO: All the halfminds
- ICE MILE – drink a beer, do a lap. repeat 4 times. Ice skates encouraged. (Approximately 1.5 miles total)
- 4×40 – Drink a 40, skate a lap. Repeat 4 times. Ice skates required, helmet required on lap 4, sober driver required. (Approximately 1.5 miles total)
- 4xULTRA – Drink a 40, run around Westchester. Drink a 40, run Westchester in reverse. Repeat 2 times. Helmet is a good idea, sober driver required. (Approximately 8 miles). New for 2017!!!
WHEN: Saturday 4 March 2017 – 13:00 – Start when your event when you arrive.
WHERE: Westchester Lagoon https://goo.gl/maps/zQRjrFqv4oo
WHY: All the glory. And a sweet patch.
“Trail” is A-A. If you intend to participate in the 4×40 or 4xULTRA you MUST RSVP so I can get you 40s and you MUST HAVE A SOBER DRIVER. You will not be allowed to participate without one. You are strongly encouraged to bring a helmet with you. Hash cash for the Ice Mile is $5. Hash Cash for the 40 events is $20 (That shit is expensive yo!).
Dogs, kids, strollers are all fine. Cake is not a lie.
Traveling all the way to the island of Alaska from the island of Hawaii, Hana Ho has partnered with Schweddy Balls of Flour and George Lindsay to see if she has what it takes to lei a trail in our cold, white sand. Bring your best Hawaiian attire and cum be a Schweddy Ho!
WHO: Hana Ho, Schweddy Balls of Flour, and George Lindsay
WHAT: B2 109
WHEN: Saturday 18 February 2017, 13:00 HA 13:30
WHERE: Upper O’Malley Trailhead https://goo.gl/maps/BNdoreb4QVo
WHY: You know you want to get lei’d!
A-A, dog friendly, no strollers. ID for circle. Hash cash is always $5
Four score weeks ago when it was 80º warmer, a rag tag group of harriettes and harriers joined together to figure out how fucking hard it is to set trail in good conditions. One of them showed up late, didn’t pay attention, probably got drunk on trail, and, exactly as you would expect – was a shitty hare. To make up for her hash appropriate behavior she selected the most challenging weather week of the year. That’s right, the RA is guaranteeing weather again!
WHO: High-V, going Down On A bull moose
WHAT: B2 107
WHEN: Saturday 21 January 2017, 13:00 HA 13:30
WHERE: Campbell Airstrip Trailhead OFF BASHER DR https://goo.gl/maps/NKV6o9mQsiS2
WHY: Because we’re cooler than those Aurora fucks who ran naked in -50º last night
A-A, XTREMEly dog friendly, strollers may be a challenge with the DEEP SNOW. ID for circle. Hash cash is always $5
Sign up for a trail! Next available:
18 March (possibly 4×40)