Author Archives: OnSec

It was a scant 77 trails ago that I’d Fuck Me and Donnie the Retard joined the ranks of half-minds dedicated to confusing, misleading, and otherwise annoying the pack who only wanted to go and find a beer.  Today they back at their shenanigans on the west side of town trying to make sure you can get a down-down-down-down (why are we waiting…)

WHO: I’d Fuck Me & Donnie the Retard
WHAT: 40 pounds of flour and 77 trails ago…
WHEN: Saturday 30 May 1300 (HA 1330)
WHERE: Earthquake Park
WHY: Because they love you and want you to be happy!

Trail is A-B; Dogs ok on trail.  ID is required.  Shiggy 3 of 5.  Hash cash is always $5.

Ahoy Harriers and Harriettes!
Bare all for the first anal bear bottom bear run. It’s time to party like it’s 1915. Don your finest union suit (You primed that shit right?) and prepare to get shiggy with Dr. Penis Venkman and Uncle Bondage, Esq.

WHO: All y’all
WHAT: The Anal Bear Run
WHEN: 5/16 at 13:00 (Hare away at 13:30).
WHERE: Campbell Creek Park
2499 E 48th Ave
Anchorage, AK 99507
Trail: A-B  Dogs: NO ID: YES

Hash cash is always $5.

Always a good idea to get the hares to commit to where trail start is before the On-Sec sends out an email.  Commit twice if the On-Sec is a hare.  Also a good idea to not let the On-sec near a keyboard sober.  Mostly.

First Anal Bear Run! On 16 May the half-minds who brought you the Bear Bottoms are bringing you out on the town. Spin up that Amazon prime and find a RED union suit for a down town pub run. Real details to follow, but get that suit. Misspelling is fine if you don’t like being told what to do. Consider what that means if you’re going on a bare run.

Our dear Nurse is headed south.  Way far south.  Below the border even.  She has kindly invited all of us out to send her off with an extraordinary travel hash adventure from Cooper Landing to Hope.  It seems that she’s been doing this for years and only just got around to inviting us, but we love her anyway.  Cum send her off (and rub eggs in Uncle B’s head ((WSH)).

4th annual Bike, Hike, Class IV&V Whitewater raft, Camp, Dance to live music outdoors,BBQ, celebrate great friends and 24hours of daylight! Come for any or all of the events!
Details:
JUNE 25&26- Bikepack and overnight camp Resurrection Pass from Cooper Landing to Hope.
JUNE 26- Camp in Hope and dance to live Bluegrass music at the Seaview Inn while enjoy fine Alaskan nectar on Tap.
JUNE 27- 9am Class IV& V White water rafting with Nova on Six Mile. Please confirm with me by May 1st. $155 pp for all 3 canyons. Camp back in Hope and dance and celebrate some more! Uncle B and Nurse will set trail sometime this afternoon.
JUNE 28- wake up and hike either to Gull rock or an Alpine lake up Hope Point. pack up and head back home…..unless you want to keep exploring

Nurse already paid for the rafting.  If you’re going, please, please, please grease her palm with dat cash ASAP.

Calling all intrepid harriers, harriettes, hounds, and any other folks that enjoy a working off the Friday night hangover, acquiring a great thirst, satisfying it with beer, and making the older hashers feel not as old as they ought to feel:  This week we look to the north (and every other direction) for all the tastiest shiggy that Far North Centennial Park has to offer.  Dead Hooker Disposal Unit has spent so much time in his JK that he’s forgotten that his feet need to been in the mud too.  As do the rest of the body parts.

WHO: Dead Hooker Disposal Unit
WHAT: 33rd Running: 33º North. Bear North.  BEAR!
WHEN: 18 April 2015 @ 1300.  Hare away at 1330.
WHERE: South Bivouac Trailhead off Basher Dr. (61.153301, -149.738088)
WHY: The shiggy is amazing this time of year!

Trail is an A-A.5.  Dogs are welcome. No ID required. Outdoor circle.  Bear spray is a good idea.

Hash cash is only $5.

GREAT ALASKA INTERHASH/RDR: if you haven’t rego’d yet it’s cumming sooner than you think.  Time to start shopping for a red dress. http://greatalaskainterhash.com

BearBottomRun 5/16 Dr. Penis Venkman & Uncle Bondage

Final back patch art approved. Looking for a local source. Else Korea?

Need details for Travel Hash from Nurse Crotchette. 

Monday 13 April 1800-1805.  Blue Fox Cocktail Lounge

Agenda:  Trail Schedule.  Travel Hash 27 June.  Beer.

Baby strollers with slicks instead of knobbies!  The 2015 PFD application closing!  Toe shoes!  Muddy trails!  That sweet sweet break up stench!  Bear plugs! Is it a Pesach plague or a sign that winter is finally over?

Who: Sandy Hook and George Jake
What: #32 Hair Substitute
When: Saturday 4 April 2015 1330 Hares away 1400
Where: Margaret Egan Sullivan Park (Westchester Lagoon)
Why: The salmon aren’t running yet and there isn’t enough snow to ski.

Shiggy level 3-4 out of 5 green hoodies.

Expect hares to be laying eggs as its that time of hear for rabbits to do that.

Trail is A-A with outdoor circle on the inlet.  ID: No Dogs: YES.  Hash cash is only $5.

Note the time change.  Something about hares something adulting something needing half an hour to drive across town something.

Monday 30 March 1800

Blue Fox

Agenda: Next Trail

Harriettes and Harriers,

Bust out your ice skates for the first B2H3 Ice Mile and Ice 40k.  What’s an Ice Mile you ask?  (Thanks for asking!) A regular Beer Mile has you drink a beer, run a quarter mile, drink a beer, run a quarter mile, etc. until you’ve run 1 mile. http://www.beermile.com/

But since we’re hashers and this is Alaska and we don’t like doing anything the easy way… we’re going to do it on ice skates.  Chug a beer, skate a lap, etc.

For the more mentally challenged and racist, there is the Ice 40k.  Think 4×40 where instead of drinking a beer, you drink a sweet, sweet 40oz bottle of malt liquor.  Then Skate. And repeat until someone points out that you’ve made a horrible mistake.  You MUST RSVP for the 40k.

Who: Uncle Bondage, Esq., The Nut Wrangler, and Strummin N Cummin
What: IceMile and Ice40k
When: Saturday 21 March 2015 13:00 hash time
Where: Westchester Lagoon
Why: um, I really can’t think of a good reason not to do this

Trail: A-A Dogs: Yes ID: No.

Hash Cash is $5.  40K is $10.

If someone has some firewood and a burn barrel we can have circle out on the little island.