Category Archives: Trails

Video

B2 114 Springtime Flyby

What we thought was going to happen

vs.

What actually happened

B2H3 113 Nuts in the Sun Trail

Nuts in the Sun Trail
~Schweddy Balls of Flour

When: 15 April 2017 13:00 – Hare away 13:30
Where:  Parking Lot behind Peanut Farm :: Corner of Juneau St. and East 54th Ave.
What:

This trail commemorates the 60th analversary of the great Alaskan peanut farmer, Lee Cole.  He arrived in Anchorage on April 15, 1957 with plans for a seaside peanut plantation.  After struggling with frozen, snow-covered fields for a year he famously wrote “It’s too damn cold for peanuts! … I’m building a bar” in his quarterly report to investors.  By May of 1958 he began building the original 2,000 sq. ft. log building which he named in honor of his failed plantation.  Today the Peanut Farm is “20,000 feet of FUN!”  Most importantly, it has beer.

On-After: Blue Fox

$ 5 Hashjobs

Trail is dogchild friendly if they’re leashed (lots of traffic).

Bar is not dogchild friendly.

B2H3 112: Food Truck Festival Hash

WHO: Schweddy Balls of Flour and Hana Ho
WHAT: B2 112: Food Truck Festival Hash
WHEN: Saturday April 1, 13:00
WHERE: Alaska State Fair Grounds, 2075 Glenn Hwy, Palmer, AK 99645
WHY: Because the hares are going anyway.

Here’s what the hare said about trail: “I understand It’s a yard sale with funnel cake. Maybe you need some furniture? Maybe you need some trail? It’s supposed to be a balmy 40 degrees so dress appropriately. I’m sure everything will work out.”
 
No this isn’t a joke! Travel hash to Palmer! Kids should be OK, dogs are unknown. As always, hash cash is just $5. And fuck you Jew’d Us, because I know you won’t read this anyway.

B2H3 110 IceMile/4X40/4xUltra

Oh holy shit really?  It’s time for feets of winter stupidity already?  It’s Nut Wrangler and Unholy Nipples hashy birthday so that must mean its time for us to strap knives to our feet in order to drink copious amounts of malt liquor.  What’s that you say?  Why would I do that you say?  For GLORY!  Thus far there are only 3 hashers who have been so gloriously half-minded to complete the 4×40.

Just in case you aren’t clear on what’s happening, and because I like the sound of my own voice:

WHO: All the halfminds
WHAT:

  • ICE MILE – drink a beer, do a lap. repeat 4 times.  Ice skates encouraged. (Approximately 1.5 miles total)
  • 4×40 – Drink a 40, skate a lap.  Repeat 4 times.  Ice skates required, helmet required on lap 4, sober driver required. (Approximately 1.5 miles total)
  • 4xULTRA – Drink a 40, run around Westchester. Drink a 40, run Westchester in reverse. Repeat 2 times.  Helmet is a good idea, sober driver required.  (Approximately 8 miles). New for 2017!!!

WHEN: Saturday 4 March 2017 – 13:00 – Start when your event when you arrive.
WHERE: Westchester Lagoon https://goo.gl/maps/zQRjrFqv4oo
WHY: All the glory.  And a sweet patch.

“Trail” is A-A.  If you intend to participate in the 4×40 or 4xULTRA you MUST RSVP so I can get you 40s and you MUST HAVE A SOBER DRIVER.  You will not be allowed to participate without one.  You are strongly encouraged to bring a helmet with you.  Hash cash for the Ice Mile is $5.  Hash Cash for the 40 events is $20 (That shit is expensive yo!).

Dogs, kids, strollers are all fine.  Cake is not a lie.

B2 109 Track

B2H3 109: Time to get Lei’d!

Traveling all the way to the island of Alaska from the island of Hawaii, Hana Ho has partnered with Schweddy Balls of Flour and George Lindsay to see if she has what it takes to lei a trail in our cold, white sand. Bring your best Hawaiian attire and cum be a Schweddy Ho!

WHO: Hana Ho, Schweddy Balls of Flour, and George Lindsay
WHAT: B2 109
WHEN: Saturday 18 February 2017, 13:00 HA 13:30
WHERE: Upper O’Malley Trailhead https://goo.gl/maps/BNdoreb4QVo
WHY: You know you want to get lei’d!

A-A, dog friendly, no strollers. ID for circle. Hash cash is always $5

B2H3 107: Virgin hare – going deep; coming back wet

Four score weeks ago when it was 80º warmer, a rag tag group of harriettes and harriers joined together to figure out how fucking hard it is to set trail in good conditions.  One of them showed up late, didn’t pay attention, probably got drunk on trail, and, exactly as you would expect – was a shitty hare.  To make up for her hash appropriate behavior she selected the most challenging weather week of the year.  That’s right, the RA is guaranteeing weather again!

WHO: High-V, going Down On A bull moose
WHAT: B2 107
WHEN: Saturday 21 January 2017, 13:00 HA 13:30
WHERE: Campbell Airstrip Trailhead OFF BASHER DR https://goo.gl/maps/NKV6o9mQsiS2
WHY: Because we’re cooler than those Aurora fucks who ran naked in -50º last night

A-A, XTREMEly dog friendly, strollers may be a challenge with the DEEP SNOW.  ID for circle. Hash cash is always $5


Sign up for a trail!  Next available:

18 February
4 March
18 March (possibly 4×40)

B2H3 106: A long strong black pudding

So there I was, polishing up my anti blue blocker shades so that I could see the powder blue marks on the freshly powdered snow, when Donnie the Retard, ups the game with a huge brick of flame orange chalk.  I for one welcome the new friendlier 2017 Donnie.  No doubt he will find new ways to fuck us, but that is the fun innit?

  • WHO: Donnie the Retard
  • WHAT: B2 106 – A long strong black pudding
  • WHEN: Saturday 7 January 2017 – 1300 – Hares at 1330
  • WHERE: SOUTH Taku Lake Park
    Directions to A – take Dimond Westbound (away from Mountains) to Stormy Place, go North (a right off of Dimond). The road dead ends into a parking lot for Taku park by the skate park. NOT THE PARKING LOT OFF 76TH.
  • WHY: Because Donnie!

A-? / No Dogs / No Strollers / Hash cash is $5 for everyone but Finger

B2H3 105 Festivus Robe Hash

Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a six pack. As I reached for the last sixxer of tall boys in the gas station so did another man. While raining blows down upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Festivus is about getting drunk in your robe while telling everyone you know how much they’ve disappointed you;  or exposing yourself while drinking eggnog, maybe it’s about peeing in the snow while singing dirty songs…

No wait, the true meaning of Festivus is not for you to know!

I’m going to pump you full of hot liquor and take advantage of you out on the pier as it was done to me!

Afterward, I’ll feed you ham bone soup and say you’re pretty.  ; )

Then the Airing of the Grievances!
Feats of Strength will have been performed on trail.
We’ll end by worshiping the pole, wiping our mouths clean, and heading to

On-After at Van’s Dive Bar.

WHOSchweddy Balls of Flour
WHAT:  Festivus Robe Hash
WHEN:  1:00pm or 13:00 or sunrise + 169 minutes – Hare off a few beers after that.
WHERESunset Park in Gub’mint Hill  600 Vine Ave, Anchorage, AK 99501

Trail is A-A.
I can guarantee that your dog will not get heatstroke on trail.  That makes the trail dog-friendly, right?
$5 Hash Cash

B2H3 104 Unnecessary Verbiage

My most esteemed and revered colleagues of the Society of Hares and Hounds Hashing – Chapter Los Anchorage,  let me begin my missive by admitting and heretofore expressing my most sincere regrets and apologies.  It has come to my attention, both explicitly and by virtue of nature (that I by happenstance looked at a calendar), that it is deep in the cycle of your desire, nae desperate need for fulfillment, of information relating to our next and most immediate event!  How have I neglected until this Thursday to perform my most necessary and sacred duties as Secretary of the On-On; that is, how have I neglected to transmit the most intimate details of our next rendezvous, scheduled prior to be two days future – namely this Saturday (a hashing day).  So, in the spirit of the notice provided me, namely to get off my ass and post the damn dets, I provide for you in the most perfunctory manor and as plainly as possible, with restraint in the department of enthusiastic description, I do offer up to Our Society the most important and relevant information currently in my possession about this Saturday’s hash.

WHO: Unnecessary Penetration and Banana Nut Bred
WHAT: B2 104
WHEN: Saturday 12 December 13:00 – Hares Away 13:30
WHERE: Blue Fox Cocktail Lounge WHY: Because winter!

Reverse Shuttle (Agana Style!) from B-A, Dogs on trail not at circle, ID for circle, kiddos ok but you know – Circle is at the Fox and APD doesn’t approve of kiddos being supervised in the parking lot of a bar by the family hound (fascists).  Hash Cash is only $5

It happens that this is Penny’s last B2 trail.  It wouldn’t hurt you to think of a way to say Aloha.