Category Archives: Trails

Four score weeks ago when it was 80º warmer, a rag tag group of harriettes and harriers joined together to figure out how fucking hard it is to set trail in good conditions.  One of them showed up late, didn’t pay attention, probably got drunk on trail, and, exactly as you would expect – was a shitty hare.  To make up for her hash appropriate behavior she selected the most challenging weather week of the year.  That’s right, the RA is guaranteeing weather again!

WHO: High-V, going Down On A bull moose
WHAT: B2 107
WHEN: Saturday 21 January 2017, 13:00 HA 13:30
WHERE: Campbell Airstrip Trailhead OFF BASHER DR https://goo.gl/maps/NKV6o9mQsiS2
WHY: Because we’re cooler than those Aurora fucks who ran naked in -50º last night

A-A, XTREMEly dog friendly, strollers may be a challenge with the DEEP SNOW.  ID for circle. Hash cash is always $5

Sign up for a trail!  Next available:

18 February
4 March
18 March (possibly 4×40)

So there I was, polishing up my anti blue blocker shades so that I could see the powder blue marks on the freshly powdered snow, when Donnie the Retard, ups the game with a huge brick of flame orange chalk.  I for one welcome the new friendlier 2017 Donnie.  No doubt he will find new ways to fuck us, but that is the fun innit?

• WHO: Donnie the Retard
• WHAT: B2 106 – A long strong black pudding
• WHEN: Saturday 7 January 2017 – 1300 – Hares at 1330
• WHERE: SOUTH Taku Lake Park
  Directions to A – take Dimond Westbound (away from Mountains) to Stormy Place, go North (a right off of Dimond). The road dead ends into a parking lot for Taku park by the skate park. NOT THE PARKING LOT OFF 76TH.
• WHY: Because Donnie!

A-? / No Dogs / No Strollers / Hash cash is $5 for everyone but Finger

Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a six pack. As I reached for the last sixxer of tall boys in the gas station so did another man. While raining blows down upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Festivus is about getting drunk in your robe while telling everyone you know how much they’ve disappointed you;  or exposing yourself while drinking eggnog, maybe it’s about peeing in the snow while singing dirty songs…

No wait, the true meaning of Festivus is not for you to know!

I’m going to pump you full of hot liquor and take advantage of you out on the pier as it was done to me!

Afterward, I’ll feed you ham bone soup and say you’re pretty.  ; )

Then the Airing of the Grievances!
Feats of Strength will have been performed on trail.
We’ll end by worshiping the pole, wiping our mouths clean, and heading to

On-After at Van’s Dive Bar.

WHO:  Schweddy Balls of Flour
WHAT:  Festivus Robe Hash
WHEN:  1:00pm or 13:00 or sunrise + 169 minutes – Hare off a few beers after that.
WHERE:  Sunset Park in Gub’mint Hill  600 Vine Ave, Anchorage, AK 99501

Trail is A-A.
I can guarantee that your dog will not get heatstroke on trail.  That makes the trail dog-friendly, right?
$5 Hash Cash

My most esteemed and revered colleagues of the Society of Hares and Hounds Hashing – Chapter Los Anchorage,  let me begin my missive by admitting and heretofore expressing my most sincere regrets and apologies.  It has come to my attention, both explicitly and by virtue of nature (that I by happenstance looked at a calendar), that it is deep in the cycle of your desire, nae desperate need for fulfillment, of information relating to our next and most immediate event!  How have I neglected until this Thursday to perform my most necessary and sacred duties as Secretary of the On-On; that is, how have I neglected to transmit the most intimate details of our next rendezvous, scheduled prior to be two days future – namely this Saturday (a hashing day).  So, in the spirit of the notice provided me, namely to get off my ass and post the damn dets, I provide for you in the most perfunctory manor and as plainly as possible, with restraint in the department of enthusiastic description, I do offer up to Our Society the most important and relevant information currently in my possession about this Saturday’s hash.

WHO: Unnecessary Penetration and Banana Nut Bred
WHAT: B2 104
WHEN: Saturday 12 December 13:00 – Hares Away 13:30
WHERE: Blue Fox Cocktail Lounge 3461 E Tudor Rd, Anchorage, AK 99507 WHY: Because winter!

Reverse Shuttle (Agana Style!) from B-A, Dogs on trail not at circle, ID for circle, kiddos ok but you know – Circle is at the Fox and APD doesn’t approve of kiddos being supervised in the parking lot of a bar by the family hound (fascists).  Hash Cash is only $5

It happens that this is Penny’s last B2 trail.  It wouldn’t hurt you to think of a way to say Aloha.

It’s now Friday evening, deep into the sabbath, in which I know you is all deeply and respectfully taking time away from work.  And for the rest of you who are still encumbered by The Itis it all good.  Tomorrow we work for you.  You show up at de renard bleu and we put yo ass in a car an drive it to trail.  Den you run yo ass back to dat fox fo more beer an maybe we do dat circle.  Oh maybe just a jazz band.

WHO: Banana Nut Bread & George Fernando
WHAT: 103rd run
WHEN: IN 12 hours? 26 November 2016 @ 1300 – 1330 hares away
WHERE: Go to the Blue Fox.  Transport leaves by car at 1330.  WHY: To work off the Spanksgiving feast

B>A.  Dogs (not at circle). No Strollers. Ice spikes/cleats recommended.  A change of clothes is always smart.  $5

Next! Unnecessary Penetration hosts her own on out the first B2 trail in December. After dat?  Christmas Eve – you want it?

Event name: 1st Anal Hash-o-Weenie B2 Creepy Clown Pubcrawl

Cum one and all to the 1st ever B2 pubcrawl. Subaru in My Hoo Hoo and Matthew McKindagay have been terrified, nay inspired by the spook-tacular creepy clown sitings across the US and we want to chance getting shot by anti-clown vigilantes. #clownliversmatter. Gear up in your costume of choice, prizes for best/worst and get ready to brave Anchorage’s finer establishments.

Where: Crossroads Lounge (It’s Where Friends Meet) 1402 Gambell St, Anchorage, AK 99501
When: 1600 or 4pm
What: Costume encouraged happy fun time. A-A or A.5.

ID: Definitely

Dogs: not unless you want to tie them up outside stops

Kids: Let’s make some new babies

Money: $5 hash cash. Hares will provide some beer, but once we run out you’re on your own.

Two years and a hundred trails.  That’s damn near a trail a week.  You already know we’re too stupid to not run year round.  You must expect that we’re to stupid to quit while we’re ahead.  We can only assume that means you like what we have on offer and want more (more) (more) (moar).  So bring on the heavy sweating, maybe we’ll get you some heavy petting.  Bring your best union suit.  Butt flap encouraged.

WHO: Dr. Penis Venkman & Uncle Bondage, Esq.
WHAT: B2’s Second Analversary – UNION SUIT RUN
WHEN: Saturday 15 October 2016 – 1300 Hares away 1330
WHERE: Kincaid Park – Raspberry Parking Lot https://goo.gl/maps/PWerTpeXLmS2
WHY: Who doesn’t love chasing moose wearing union suits?  Or wearing a union suit to chase a moose?

A-A; Dogs OK; Strollers NO; ID Circle; Hash Cash $5

CUMMING SOON
29 October – Banana Nut Bred – #101 Sinners Run
12 November – going Down On A bull moose & Rojo Hammer Toe (Aurora!) – #102 Nun’s The Word (costume run)
26 November – YOU?